You just have to make the most out of it...

Instead of making a happy entry about the good stuff that has been happening to me, maybe I should write the things that upsets me or the things that I wanted to do but I cant because of some personal reason and some other bullsh[i!1l]t stuff…

This morning my mom and I were talking about how hard life is, and how hard it is to budget money, then I kinda told her that if only I have a brother or sister it should not be this hard because I have someone who will help me in providing for the family, but what can I do, this is my destiny and no matter how I complain things will not change…then my mom, out of the blue said this “dapat kasi mag asawa kana para may katulong kana!” I can not blame my mom for saying that because she is starting to get old and she told me that she envy her brother for having grandchildren….the problem is I don’t know if I will ever get married…I don’t even know if that will happen…anyway while we were talking my mom said “ang dad mo nga naiinis pag nag pupunta dito si Curach, baka daw kasi nahahawa ka ng kabaklaan” and then the dreaded question pop out!!! “:bakla ka ba?” hehe…to tell you the truth I was really caught of guard, and my answer “Ewan”: hehe… that is so funny… hay! Right there and then I could have said yes and let it be ng matapos na, I am happy of what I am, at first I regret being like this but what can I do? Im tired of pretending to be straight, im tired of hearing the question bakla kaba?, I just want to be me, and there is nothing wrong if your gay or bisexual or what ever it is…diba? As long as your not killing or hurting someone ok lang naman diba?….and besides i am so happy with the relationship I have right now, because finally I have found someone who love me and really make me happy, I can say that now I know how it feels to be love back, not the kind of love that I have before that I feel that im the only one who is making the effort to make them happy…

I want to tell it all to my mom but there are some some stuff that’s holding me back…dibale sa sususnod I should have a straight answer to her question! And bahala na kung anong mangyayari!!!!

Mahal ko pag nabasa mo to pls wag mo ako alalahanin , don’t think about my situation here, alam mo nanaman to and I know you’ll understand…

Hay nakaka frustrate talaga…ganyan talaga ang buhay! As I say to my self “ you just have to make the most out of it!!!”