I promise him and my self not to think too much about our relationship, i must admit that sometimes i over think too much and it result to a sleepless morning (i work at night)...Its hard to do but i have to do it...ill just look for ways to distract my self when that time comes...
So yesterday February 26 marks our first time to make love, kahit na medyo uncomportable since my tao sa labas we still manage to do our thing, as expected he is good and he is so into the moment, he is really a guy who knows how to satisfy a women, i know i dont have the things that girls have but still he manage, i was really worried that after that encounter things may change between us, since as far as i know its his first time to make love to a man, i know he is uncomfortable in some point but he make sure that he didnt show it to me...the only thing thats bothering me is i kinda hurt his thing because he is really in to the moment...so after we finish our deed.. its time to see how he'll react, i was surprise that he want us to drink one bottle of beer...and i was like, why? he said that he just want to feel warm or something, i know na kahit hindi nya sabihin there is this guilt feeling dun sa ginawa nya kahit na sinabi nya na he also wanted it to happen he just want to feel warm by drinking atleast one bottle...honestly for me i was kinda hurt by that reaction ( which as of now after i sleep and all ) i felt that he needed to drink beer para lang makayanan nya yung ng yari...ok fine thats normal for him but not for me...i told him that if he want to drink he should go home and do it there not in my place i dont want to see him drunk...after all that tension...We manage to talk seriously...he told me that he just want to do it just because he want to feel warm and no other reason, so i take his word for that, he told me that i should stop over thinking of things which only affect our relationship...so after all things said and done, he went home, i know he is really tired so while we are texting i know he fall as sleep na...
So this morning i recieve a lot of text from him...making sure that everything is ok...
I want to make this work...i know he really loves me because he will not go all this trouble of loosing his best friend just because of his love for me, on my part i should learn to adjust as well, he is new to this kind of stuff and i should always give him time to adjust...i know one day you'll read this...
I love you so much...sorry if im thinking too much, as i have told you ill try to lessen that, i don want this relationship to be shattered because of me thinking too much...
I will give you all my patience and understanding
i know that you are new to this...
i love you....
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Vulnerable when drunk
Umuwi ako na lasing kaninang umaga and pag dating ko natulog agad ako, i had a lot of things on my mind so itinulog ko nalng, i thought that pag gising ko somehow makaka limutan ko na na pero up until now all of the thoughts are swimming in my head.
I am really concern about my friend Ethel, its her birthday today actually and this morning i saw her too drunk to handle her self (kinda remind me of my self just last week ^__^) first part of her birthday celebration is fun, there was a lot of singing a lot of dancing and xempre a lot of alcohol, xempre pag my alak you'll expect that somehow things will go crazy at the end ( i know that for a fact! ^__^). I saw how vulnerable she is and kanina she had the chance to let it out...all of the feelings na itinatago nya, i felt her sadness, the hurt that she's keeping inside, alam ko i have something to do with that pain so habang maagapa (habang hindi pa crazy ang lahat) umalis na kami, hindi ko rin kaya na makita xa na lango sa alak...kaibigan ko xa and if only...if only i can turn back time hindi ko na hahayaan na mangyari to...In my part kasi parang sometimes there is no point in being happy if you know that someone is being hurt...
I am also concern about Jm, i know na he just want things to go back to normal, pero kailangan din nya maiintindihan na matagal pang panahon bago mangyari yun, may mag babago talaga and he need to be strong to face those changes...medyo lasing din xa kanina and during the time na Ethel is expressing her feelings he heard that Ethel want to punch him, buti nalang nasa kabilang room xa so wala xa masyado nagawa, pero nung kami nalang sa cr pinag susuntok nya yung wall...alam ko naman na wala xang kasalanan sa lahat ng ito, hindi nya gustong saktan yung kaibigan nya, at hindi rin nya sinasadya na mag ka feelings sa iba. so nung nakausap ko na xa ng maayos iniuwi ko na xa para wala ng rin masyadong scene na mang yari...nung kami nalang sa fx hindi ko makayang makita na nasasaktan xa ng ganoon, yung kamay nya na mamaga sa sobrang pag suntok sa wall and all i can do that time is to hug him and show him na kahit anung mangyari i will never leave his side, iniuwi ko xa sa bahay nila to make sure na he wont do anything stupid and i ask him not to so i hope na ginawa na man nya.
I dont know what to do anymore, i still hope that i can turn back time to fix all this, pero xempre it will never happen, i need to face this...we need to face this...i dont want to run anymore and just leave all this katulad nung ginawa ko before nung ako pa ang nasa kalagayan ni jm, i resign as a teacher para lang umiwas sa kaibigan kong babae na nag ka feelings for me...pero in a way nahilom na yon kasi may boyfriend na siya and when we see each other casual nalang, im sure ganun na lang din mang yayari sa kanila, ako ng hihinayang sa friendship na binuo nila, because of love they need to face all this...
I know one day you'll read this, JM i want you to know that you are the best thing na duamting sa buhay ko, i love you soo much and thank you for fighting for me and for your feelings kahit na nag kaganito ang sitwasyon, wala kang kasalan kayo ni Ethel nag mahal lang kayo...but i want you to understand that no matter how you want things to go back to normal and act as if nothing happen hindi na mang yayari yon...give her time...
I am really concern about my friend Ethel, its her birthday today actually and this morning i saw her too drunk to handle her self (kinda remind me of my self just last week ^__^) first part of her birthday celebration is fun, there was a lot of singing a lot of dancing and xempre a lot of alcohol, xempre pag my alak you'll expect that somehow things will go crazy at the end ( i know that for a fact! ^__^). I saw how vulnerable she is and kanina she had the chance to let it out...all of the feelings na itinatago nya, i felt her sadness, the hurt that she's keeping inside, alam ko i have something to do with that pain so habang maagapa (habang hindi pa crazy ang lahat) umalis na kami, hindi ko rin kaya na makita xa na lango sa alak...kaibigan ko xa and if only...if only i can turn back time hindi ko na hahayaan na mangyari to...In my part kasi parang sometimes there is no point in being happy if you know that someone is being hurt...
I am also concern about Jm, i know na he just want things to go back to normal, pero kailangan din nya maiintindihan na matagal pang panahon bago mangyari yun, may mag babago talaga and he need to be strong to face those changes...medyo lasing din xa kanina and during the time na Ethel is expressing her feelings he heard that Ethel want to punch him, buti nalang nasa kabilang room xa so wala xa masyado nagawa, pero nung kami nalang sa cr pinag susuntok nya yung wall...alam ko naman na wala xang kasalanan sa lahat ng ito, hindi nya gustong saktan yung kaibigan nya, at hindi rin nya sinasadya na mag ka feelings sa iba. so nung nakausap ko na xa ng maayos iniuwi ko na xa para wala ng rin masyadong scene na mang yari...nung kami nalang sa fx hindi ko makayang makita na nasasaktan xa ng ganoon, yung kamay nya na mamaga sa sobrang pag suntok sa wall and all i can do that time is to hug him and show him na kahit anung mangyari i will never leave his side, iniuwi ko xa sa bahay nila to make sure na he wont do anything stupid and i ask him not to so i hope na ginawa na man nya.
I dont know what to do anymore, i still hope that i can turn back time to fix all this, pero xempre it will never happen, i need to face this...we need to face this...i dont want to run anymore and just leave all this katulad nung ginawa ko before nung ako pa ang nasa kalagayan ni jm, i resign as a teacher para lang umiwas sa kaibigan kong babae na nag ka feelings for me...pero in a way nahilom na yon kasi may boyfriend na siya and when we see each other casual nalang, im sure ganun na lang din mang yayari sa kanila, ako ng hihinayang sa friendship na binuo nila, because of love they need to face all this...
I know one day you'll read this, JM i want you to know that you are the best thing na duamting sa buhay ko, i love you soo much and thank you for fighting for me and for your feelings kahit na nag kaganito ang sitwasyon, wala kang kasalan kayo ni Ethel nag mahal lang kayo...but i want you to understand that no matter how you want things to go back to normal and act as if nothing happen hindi na mang yayari yon...give her time...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
New relationship, New adjustment
i had a great sleep today its been a while on my part since most of the time i only get 6 or 7 hrs of sleep a day, but to day its more than 8 hrs which i like, i would be needing this strength for my work today.
Feb 22 our team decided to have some fun time at our favorite place Chicago, kantahan at inuman to the max, its been a while since huli ako nalasing at nag inom ng sobra, so nung araw na yon talagang lasing na lasing ako and according to my friends i have a lot funny moments and yung iba hindi ko na masyadong natandaan...well its good thing na wala akong inaway that day hahaha, well im not saying naman na mag aaway ako its just that when your drunk you do some stupid things. i really enjoyed it, my Team Leader is cool enough to handle my craziness and my team are fun to be with...so thats the fun part...the hard part is after that drinking session you need to go to work in the evening...my Boyfriend took me home that day and it was my first time na umuwi ng sobrang lasing and thank god hindi nagalit si mommy and daddy, im so proud of my boyfriend, he handle things smoothly with my parents, my mom love him she said na sobrang galang ni BF iyon din yung first time na makilala ni bf ang parent ko at first time na makapunta sa bahay namin...ang sweet talaga hehehe.... later that day, work is crazy, my handle time is not that low so later patay ako sa TL ko ahahaha... ill just make bawe later hehe
i have this office mate of my mine who told me about her relationship with her new boyfriend, we are not that close but we talk once in a while, so going back his new boyfriend use to date guys so you can consider him a bisexual and she told me that she has a lot of adjustment to do in this kind of relationship na pinasok nya, in a way medyo naka relate ako kasi my new boyfriend use to date girls and im his first guy boyfriend, as you have read on some of my postings i my self is also having some adjustment, i know its hard pero since i love him so much im trying to understand the situation...sabi nga ng love horoscope ko ngayon na "The emotions you are looking for will come in their own time. Yes, you do like your fiery fireworks, but this is not the day for this." all things come on the right time...
Feb 22 our team decided to have some fun time at our favorite place Chicago, kantahan at inuman to the max, its been a while since huli ako nalasing at nag inom ng sobra, so nung araw na yon talagang lasing na lasing ako and according to my friends i have a lot funny moments and yung iba hindi ko na masyadong natandaan...well its good thing na wala akong inaway that day hahaha, well im not saying naman na mag aaway ako its just that when your drunk you do some stupid things. i really enjoyed it, my Team Leader is cool enough to handle my craziness and my team are fun to be with...so thats the fun part...the hard part is after that drinking session you need to go to work in the evening...my Boyfriend took me home that day and it was my first time na umuwi ng sobrang lasing and thank god hindi nagalit si mommy and daddy, im so proud of my boyfriend, he handle things smoothly with my parents, my mom love him she said na sobrang galang ni BF iyon din yung first time na makilala ni bf ang parent ko at first time na makapunta sa bahay namin...ang sweet talaga hehehe.... later that day, work is crazy, my handle time is not that low so later patay ako sa TL ko ahahaha... ill just make bawe later hehe
i have this office mate of my mine who told me about her relationship with her new boyfriend, we are not that close but we talk once in a while, so going back his new boyfriend use to date guys so you can consider him a bisexual and she told me that she has a lot of adjustment to do in this kind of relationship na pinasok nya, in a way medyo naka relate ako kasi my new boyfriend use to date girls and im his first guy boyfriend, as you have read on some of my postings i my self is also having some adjustment, i know its hard pero since i love him so much im trying to understand the situation...sabi nga ng love horoscope ko ngayon na "The emotions you are looking for will come in their own time. Yes, you do like your fiery fireworks, but this is not the day for this." all things come on the right time...
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Back to almost normal
6:41am Manila, everything is back to normal now, though im not taking calls because i dont have schedule for today and the reason behind that is because last wednesday i decided to resign...but it was not approve and i thank God for that...as you have read on some of my post, last week is really something, a lot of drama is going on...
but now things are back to normal, kahit na may changes ng konti parang hindi mo na rin pansin...
Basta masaya na kami ngayon, kontento na kami, hindi na rin kami mag hihiwalay, we promise to our selves na lagi nalang kaming magiging masaya at kahit pa anung dumating na problema kakayanin namin...
but now things are back to normal, kahit na may changes ng konti parang hindi mo na rin pansin...
Basta masaya na kami ngayon, kontento na kami, hindi na rin kami mag hihiwalay, we promise to our selves na lagi nalang kaming magiging masaya at kahit pa anung dumating na problema kakayanin namin...
Friday, February 19, 2010
Kiss from the Heart
Ok so my boyfriend used to date girls so when he unexpectedly develop a feeling from me i believe that he never expect that this stuff is also included, yes marami na kaming trials na pinag dadaanan and so far nalalampasan naman namin, i love him and i dont have any doubt about it, i am willing to adjust to what ever it takes for him to be comfortable, pero there are times na nalulungkot ako kasi on my part im having this issue of him not wanting to kiss me, i know its an awkward feeling because first sanay xa na mag kiss sa mga girls not with a guy, i understand that and im willing to wait for him to be comfortable kissing me, pero there are times or moments na magiging perfect na sana if you kiss on that moment and it would be one of those memorable moments ninyong dalawa.
We went out yesterday and it was so fun being with him, yes he is like a little kid sometime but that is what i love about him, i help him to find some cute formal clothes that he can wear sa ofc and then after that we watch movie...i hug him all through out the till the movie ended, i kiss him on the cheeks and it was perfect, i dont really expecthim to kiss me back pero that time naging masaya na ako. so after the movie when all the people are going out na of the mall there is the two cute couple that while walking they kiss each other and you can see that they are really in love...and i was like OMG will i ever get that kind of kiss from him? a kiss from the heart? and i answer my own question...i guess i will never have that with him because every time that i ask him to kiss me, he would give me condition that i need to do first before he kiss me, it would have been easier on his part if i were a girl siguro hindi ko na hihingiin yon sa kanya kung naging babae ako....so i ask him if we can walk on the other side para hindi na ako maapektuhan, on our way home some how it really affects me pero xempre ayaw ko na xa pag alalahanin so nung nasa fx na kasmi i know that he feels the tension ang ginwa ko nalng is nung nag lean xa forward i hug him at his back to let him know that im ok...after that i texted him good night and tell him that i had a great time...which is true...^___^
i try not to let it get me because i my self can wait, pero in a way nasasaktan ako... but as i have mention its ok...i know that its hard for him and i understand.
i have no regret sa ginawa kong desicion na maki pag balikan sa kanya after all the drama na ng yari...i just hope that things will be worth it...
if one day you'll read this, i hope you dont get me wrong, i love you i really do...and im trying my best to understand you because i love you...im still hoping that one day you will give me that kiss from the heart without me asking for it...
i love you...
Monday, February 15, 2010
Poems from the Heart♥♥
A person like you do deserved to be loved
I can offer you my love without even expecting anything in return
A person like you don't deserve to be hurt
So I promise you that i will care and love you
A person like you is the best
That's why I offer you the bEst love which i could give
A person like you is what i need
PERSON WHO MAKES ME COMPLETE AND SATISFIED ALL THE WAY
^____________________________________^
I'm always thinking of you everyday
Always loning for you hugs and kisses
Always finding ways to reach you out
And always looking for your endless love
It's really difficult for me to act this way
To act around those unpredictable people
Who might think something against me
And who might do something to hurt me
Though it's my " firs time"
I never regret that i made a decision
To choose you among all my considerations
And to value you among all of them
FoR now, i just wanna enjoy what we have
Every single moments will be treasured
EVery words will be kept
JuSt to show you that i've accepted you
No matter what and who you are!!!!
^________________________^
EXPRESSION OF HAPPINESS!!!
Happiness is not only shown by laughters
Not even just by smiles
IT is not only felt by good things
But by a person who really makes you satisfied.....
Happiness can't be expressed by word of mouth
NoR even by just saying it loud
No words can say how much happy i was
BEinG with someone that really means
" HAPPINESS" to me......
I tried to fight it and even to hide it
But my heart keeps on saying...
"Dont even ignore what you feel!!!
ThE only way to unclog the chain
is by saying and showing...
" I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TO THE POWER OF TEN!!!!!! "
I don't regret that i made a decision
That might results to an unpredictable expectations
BuT i don't ever mind those things
Cause i know in my heart
That a forbidden and complicated love could be possible ...
I f really the two hearts understand each other..
For now,I do have an immeasurable joy
Joy that i don't want to end anymore
JoY that gives satisfaction to my whole being
Joy that makes sense to my life
A life that is totally pale
But now became meaningful
Cause i finally found the one
Who will trully care and love me the way i do.....
to my one and only master!!!!!
hehehehehee
^_______________________________^
EXPRESSION OF HAPPINESS!!!
Happiness is not only shown by laughters
Not even just by smiles
IT is not only felt by good things
But by a person who really makes you satisfied.....
Happiness can't be expressed by word of mouth
NoR even by just saying it loud
No words can say how much happy i was
BEinG with someone that really means
" HAPPINESS" to me......
I tried to fight it and even to hide it
But my heart keeps on saying...
"Dont even ignore what you feel!!!
ThE only way to unclog the chain
is by saying and showing...
" I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TO THE POWER OF TEN!!!!!! "
I don't regret that i made a decision
That might results to an unpredictable expectations
BuT i don't ever mind those things
Cause i know in my heart
That a forbidden and complicated love could be possible ...
I f really the two hearts understand each other..
For now,I do have an immesureable joy
Joy that i don't want to end anymore
JoY that gives satisfaction to my whole being
Joy that makes sense to my life
A life that is totally pale
But now became meaningful
Cause i finally found the one
Who will trully care and love me the way i do.....
to my one and only master!!!!!
hehehehehee
I can offer you my love without even expecting anything in return
A person like you don't deserve to be hurt
So I promise you that i will care and love you
A person like you is the best
That's why I offer you the bEst love which i could give
A person like you is what i need
PERSON WHO MAKES ME COMPLETE AND SATISFIED ALL THE WAY
^____________________________________^
I'm always thinking of you everyday
Always loning for you hugs and kisses
Always finding ways to reach you out
And always looking for your endless love
It's really difficult for me to act this way
To act around those unpredictable people
Who might think something against me
And who might do something to hurt me
Though it's my " firs time"
I never regret that i made a decision
To choose you among all my considerations
And to value you among all of them
FoR now, i just wanna enjoy what we have
Every single moments will be treasured
EVery words will be kept
JuSt to show you that i've accepted you
No matter what and who you are!!!!
^________________________^
EXPRESSION OF HAPPINESS!!!
Happiness is not only shown by laughters
Not even just by smiles
IT is not only felt by good things
But by a person who really makes you satisfied.....
Happiness can't be expressed by word of mouth
NoR even by just saying it loud
No words can say how much happy i was
BEinG with someone that really means
" HAPPINESS" to me......
I tried to fight it and even to hide it
But my heart keeps on saying...
"Dont even ignore what you feel!!!
ThE only way to unclog the chain
is by saying and showing...
" I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TO THE POWER OF TEN!!!!!! "
I don't regret that i made a decision
That might results to an unpredictable expectations
BuT i don't ever mind those things
Cause i know in my heart
That a forbidden and complicated love could be possible ...
I f really the two hearts understand each other..
For now,I do have an immeasurable joy
Joy that i don't want to end anymore
JoY that gives satisfaction to my whole being
Joy that makes sense to my life
A life that is totally pale
But now became meaningful
Cause i finally found the one
Who will trully care and love me the way i do.....
to my one and only master!!!!!
hehehehehee
^_______________________________^
EXPRESSION OF HAPPINESS!!!
Happiness is not only shown by laughters
Not even just by smiles
IT is not only felt by good things
But by a person who really makes you satisfied.....
Happiness can't be expressed by word of mouth
NoR even by just saying it loud
No words can say how much happy i was
BEinG with someone that really means
" HAPPINESS" to me......
I tried to fight it and even to hide it
But my heart keeps on saying...
"Dont even ignore what you feel!!!
ThE only way to unclog the chain
is by saying and showing...
" I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TO THE POWER OF TEN!!!!!! "
I don't regret that i made a decision
That might results to an unpredictable expectations
BuT i don't ever mind those things
Cause i know in my heart
That a forbidden and complicated love could be possible ...
I f really the two hearts understand each other..
For now,I do have an immesureable joy
Joy that i don't want to end anymore
JoY that gives satisfaction to my whole being
Joy that makes sense to my life
A life that is totally pale
But now became meaningful
Cause i finally found the one
Who will trully care and love me the way i do.....
to my one and only master!!!!!
hehehehehee
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy Valentines Day
i Have found a new love this year and it comes to me with a big surprise i dint expect it to happen but it happen...its not easy for both of us but because of that single word LOVE we surpass the first trial of our relationship...To all the lovers out there enjoy and celebrate this special day with your special someone
To all the single Boys and Girls dont pressure your self to find love because for some reason Love will find you ^__^
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