***fighting Temptation****

im still fighting the urge to look at my ex friendster accnt, I don’t want to look at it because I know that it will affect me and I don’t want that to happen, I mean he is totally out of my world, its just that my friend kc visit her ex friendster and it totally get her, i ask her why she visit it and she just say "im like that though i know it will hurt me...but i still do it"...and now im fighting my own demon...huwaaaa

what i always say is.

1.you are allowed to have a moment of weakness

2.move on lang ng move on this too shall pass…

3.I know its hard but do your best to fight it and don’t let it affect you. You just have to live each day dealing with your everyday demons…

4.keep your self busy and focus on what your doing

5.not all nice people are nice, some of them do that just to get what they want, don’t give out secrets on people, you'll never know who will stab you in the back

6.the one you love today can be your worst enemy tomorrow…well not all of them but im sure one will emerge

7.no matter how you fool your self on forgetting someone, in the end you will still wish that both of you are still together…

8.smile though your heart is breaking, smile even though its aching

9.set your goals and do your very best to achieve it…its hard but you have too!

10.if you have nothing to say, then just be quite

11.love can turn to hatered and it can eat you and also will make you stupid if you let that happen…

12.I know how to get what I want and I can make it happen

13.do be sweet don’t be a slut

14.try not to live a life full of regret…dare your self to do the impossible…so you will have no what if or could have…beside they don’t know you…

15.some people are very hard to deal with, but you have to give them a chance…

16.have a positive out look in life and everything will follow

17.chaleges makes you strong, so don’t be a quiter, instead learn how to solve it and learn from it

18.always get enough sleep..its hard to work when your always sleepy

19.learn to have self control…

20.your first true love is really hard to forget and to let go, that even though you're separated for the longest time, you're still hoping that someday destiny will give you second chance…

Christmas Party

our christmas party…umm I can say that it is fun, really exciting and full of surprises…the event is really something... you'll see many good looking guys and beautiful girls, most of them is at their best and some of them did not make any effort…

on that xmas party, well it made me realize that it is lonely to be single, and god knows how sad I was that night, have this ofc mate before his name is jr at first no one knows that he is gay but suddenly rumor starts to spread and my friend raqs confirm to me that it was true, someone saw him in the sleeping quartes kissing a guy. so anyway he is there together with his bf, his bf look nice, they have the same hieght or the guy is a little taller than jr, in general his bf looks good and they kinda look like the same they are very sweet with each other and it kills me,not to mention raqs and anneli, phoebe and john, they all have partners and how i wish that i also have my man beside me...i become bitter that night that even my friend cyndy keep on saying to me that it will come...i mean im not that bad looking the only flaws is that im skinny but im doing something about it. its like 4mo's now that i dont have a bf, and with my sched its hard to find someone or even go on dates, i met guys on line and then will plan on seing each other and then i will cancel it due to some reason. i was kinda hoping that my future bf will be at the same co or accnt so we have time to see each other in the ofc, like raqs and annelli.

that night I also witness the other side of love, my friend maya the ex of raqs who is I guess currently dating gail have some issues to deal with, after the xmas party we decided to go to malate for some bar hopping action, when were about to go, I saw maya ride a taxi and she told gail that she will not come, i saw how hurt gail is while watching maya leave, she just stay quite the whole time in the taxi...so when were on the bar, i saw maya, turns out that she really did not go home, she just put on a show, and while on the bar instead of her and gail having fun maya is saying sorry to gail who at that time i think is no longer in the mood to talk, maybe maya acted like that bec raq is happily njoying annelis company,and annelli is really sweet to raq i mean she's around her all the time, may be she cant stand the view, maybe she cant take the fact the her ex is now so happy with someone...

so its really a mix emotion for me at that time, im lonely coz im still single and im sad coz in love there is always a drama, but you have the choice…if you decide that your relationship will be happy you can do so but you can also decide to be a drama queen and just be an ass to your partner...so i promise my self not to put drama if ever i found someone, i want happy moments...i want sweet moments..i want love...

Self Improvement

I used to think that having a good body can be achieve for only a week, I thought that it was that simple, but Im wrong, you have to be dedicated in working out, its like a job that you have to work hard to get the position that you desire and it takes a lot of perseverance and patience.its funny coz i thought that few days im the gym and ill look like mark nelson or channing tatum jeje, i admire them because they really work hard to get that kind of body... i started working out just this month and i can see some improvement in my arms and chest. and i promise my self that no matter how hard it is ill stick with it to get the body that i desire and ofcourse my main goal is to have a healthy body and mind not just the appearance, im tired of being skiny and having unhealthy life style and having guys ignore me and i hate to be the second choice just because im skinny , i quit smoking since the day i started and the last time i tried to smoke i feel dizzy, so i sware not to smoke not unless im so stress, and beside since im working at night somehow i need to have some exercise.and beside i need some change in my life stlye also because basically my routine is going to work and after that sleep, and i do that 5 days a week...boring huh!

with regards here in the ofc im happy coz my first coach is now part of the accnt and next week will be devided into two groups, and that is a good news for me since I don’t have to be stuck with my current coach who I dislike not because of some issues that i have with her also i cant stand to see her face coz it weird, i hate it and as i say i cant stand it!

just read my last post for the details...

i wanna say f*@ksheet

I always have a say on something…and im gonna do that again, last nov 3 I air how I hate my coach and now im gonna air how I dislike my new coach. but first of all let me start by saying that this is really my day, I mean really my day... my bad day, first I did not get enought sleep i woke up to pee and after that its hell going back to sleep, and when im finally falling asleep im about to prepare to go to work, second the fx driver who droves me here really sucks he drives fast like the one in "the fast in and the furious" and he stop at every human being in the street assuming that they are all passenger, not only that he almost get us kill we almost bump into this jeepney and guess what he is the one ho is angry though its his fault what a jerk!!! of all the hell that he brings the worst part is him having bad breath a cough and a super dry skin i am so gross out when he accidentally shove his arm on my arm when he is giving change to my seat mate...how gross is that? and third is this passenger that he pick up, who is fat and smells like shit, at that moment all i can say to my self is im surrounded by people who dont value sanity im not being maarte, im just being true.

Now let me start by saying how I dislike my new coach, I like her as a person but not as a leader, she is nice to be with and she really knows what to do so that you can improve your work, she has her own way of motivating people and she help a lot them to be on were they are right now, and i think because of this acomplishment she develop this kind of attitude, this thing that i call "kakaibang asta" and sometimes she is hard to approach coz when you are about to ask her she has this weird look that is hard to interpret, you dont know if she will help you or she is thinking here he goes again asking me question that she also dont know or geez what is wrong with him or why him i hate him...that kind of feeling...i remember asking her this one question she did bother to help me but she left me because on of her favorite agent ask her a question so she just left me=), good thing i found the answer by my self and she did not even bother to ask if i got the answer.

and yes she is a big fan of favoritism, I mean it’s a given fact, anywhere in the world there Is favoritism and i don’t care if im the apple of the eye or not just as long as it will not get in the way of your success but that is what im seing right now, she has this old team that she adore and she show it to us, yes i know that they have this thing as a group but you know, and she has this sarcasting way of saying things, not only that she also put you on the spot, i mean she could atleast talk to us one by one not like that...i wish you know and understand what im going through right now, its hard that your in group that you hate...

im sorry if I say things about you, its just that im trying so hard to atleast understand you but your making it hard for me…

im so stress right now talking to these old ppol…

...partner issues...

its always been like this, I have a lots of girl friends and im close to all of them, but everytime they find their love ones, its always hard for them to find time to be with me or we are in the same place but they are always doing stuff with their partner.that is why I would rather have a friend who already have a partner rather than having a single friend and then when they find their partner they will have no time for me and leave me behind... i mean i understand, the first few months you would really want to be with your partner i mean i've been there but i never forget my friends, coz i believe my partner may leave me at any moment for some stupid reason, but my true friends will always be there to be with me...i have this saying that i always believe in everytime a friend of mine leaves me or find someone new to hang out with i always tell my self that..."they might find someone new but they will always come back" and its true...

anyway its just me pitying my self coz im single and the only thing that I have are my friends, but they are taken away from me by their love one's…

and you know what the thing is, in call center you meet lots of good friends, but you can never be with them for the longest time, some of them will leave, some of them will be terminated or suspended and will not come back or I my self will leave the company...and the only soure of comunication is friendster and YM, but that's life we have to move on no matter what the case is...

...Last Christmas i Gave you my heart...(la lang)

Our christmas celebration, well it’s the same as last year and the other year, its super simple, only the three of us, very solemn and then after that we just watch movies and then we all decided to sleep, not me I stay up late till 3am I watch grace anatomy and heroes on the net and chat to some of my close friends and putting greetings on their friendster accnt...

Christmas morning some of my inaanak went to greet me and to get their blessings, I was so amaze how big they are, the last time I saw them most of them are babies…it was fun, I also give my mom and dad money as my gift, I would rather give them money rather than buying them something that they will not appriciate, i know my mom, when she hates it she really mean it...this morning im so amaze how my dad acted like a child, the money that i gave him he decided to buy dvd player he's very happy with it, i mean i can see his excitement while opening the box of that dvd, he open it like 15 sec, he is that xcited haha...and my mom deside to keep the money for future use.

as for me well I have no choice but to go to work, I can't do anything because I sign a commitment letter, well at first I really want to go home, I kinda hate coz I thought that raqs will not show up it turns out that we have a diff shift. At the first few hours of the shift its really nerv racking, i dont know what to say to the customer and that really frustrate me, you know that feeling that you feel really stupid in front of a million people and you just dont know what to do, thank god that the coaches from xm are nice cute and friendly, later part of the shift well i get the hang of it, if i dont know what to do i just transfer the call and problem solve hehe, i met someone his name is jeff, i know his bi its just that we never had the chance to really know each other coz we are working...jeje but i know ill see him again...i just know...

What Happen Yesterday...

So early in the morning, and its my rest day! Yesterday was fun, I want out with friends just hanging on the mall, shopping and we watch movie with no sleep at all, we’re like “adik’ coz we are 24hrs a wake, so when I got home bagsak ako sa kama…but it was so much fun, next week will be going to divisoria for some Christmas shopping…

What’s the update on my training on my new accnt…well let me break it down how it sucks! On the first day, everyone thought that the system are all working but on the time that we’re suppose to log in, a problem occur in the system, only on person can log in in one password…so we end up using one computer…on the first day they show us that what we’re going to do is so easy…on the second day, its basically the same, system still down, we only use one computer, and the worst part is they break us into group and then when its not your groups turn you have to go back taking calls again…that sucks!…and on the third day…well guess…yup still the same as the other day…and still the american’s want to launch the account on Monday, even the agents are not the familiar with the tools…fourth day, jeje same…the good new the launching of the new account has been move to Tuesday…hay…

§my new team and my friend§

This is weird, im with my new team, and this is also the last day that we are all taking calls, tomorrow will be our training.its weird that im sitting beside my new team mate, she's from the morning shift, so I don’t know her that well, but I think she's a cool girl, i have two batch mate included in the team, ate nice ang gay, actually most of them are my friends...

I miss my old team, though I've always wanted to be tranfer, I never thought that it will make me feel this lonely, I miss raq, cindy and kuya erick, there on rest day today so i never had the chance to say goodbye, but its ok ill still see them tomorrow. what ever happen to kc? speaking she's already here, she late jeje...

I don’t know what to expect in training but from what I've heard it will still be the same with what we're doing right now its just that we're also going to get some order from the customer, geez im so nervous and excited.

my date last oct, he keep on apologizing on what had happen on that day that we went out, masyado daw xa naging emotional, I mean its ok that's one of the reason why we also go out is for me to listen to all of his problem (w/ regards to his ex), and make him realize that the kind of relationship that that we have, most of them dont last (we can only extend our love but in the end, still noting last 4 ever), and also to make him realize that there is a lot guys out there that would want to recieve his love (and im one of them).if only im that good looking, maybe he will consider me (im so bitter). i mean im ready to be the rebound guy, but...hey all i can say is that things happen for a reason, who knows maybe now is not the right time...

I love my team

don’t you just hate it when you belong to a group who you like but the person who stand to be your leader sucks! That’s what im feeling right now, this is the second time that I have been put in a team with a useless leader, and i really thank god that he transfer me to another account. here are some reason why i dont like him, first, he is so gay, i mean so gay, he may be str8 acting but he is so gaaaaaaaaaay, everytime that we have a meeting, its like joke time all the time no one take him seriously bec he him self is not even serious, and then magagalit xa pag di xa sineryoso, i mean what is that? if you want to be respected by your team you have to act professionaly...second is, if his agent is good he will not make the initiative to do something for his agent to have a better position in the company, for example kuya M---- he has been an asst coach for like so long and some of kuya's batch mate are all coach already...i mean how selfish is that?....third he is very hard to approach, forth, he dont care that much about the team conversion and individual conversion...that's why im so lucky that i was transferd, bec i know that i don't have a futre with him...no wonder other coach also think that he is useless. and right now im so lazy to take calls,i think this will be my last week on this team and i love it, maybe that's why im lazy...i dont want him to be happy.

I really dont know what to expect on my new accnt but one thing is for sure it will be a blast bec im under coach max so i well taken care off,

Better to be Friends

Sometimes its best for two person to stay friends rather than having a relationship, it would be much better not to risk the bond that you have right now, because from what I've notice...some of the friends that I have did not end up good after trying their luck on love. well in my case we remain good friends despite of what happen.

I want out on a date last oct 29 and i was kinda hoping that, we have a connection (that he can be a potential partner) though i know in reality that we can never be because his still strugling to move on on his current relationship, its over between them its just that they both live in the same house, so its hard for him to move on... i mean seing your ex everyday and you in bed with him (bec he also sleep in the same bed) how hard is that, i mean its hard enough in my case to see my ex everyday in my work place and it will be triple hard if your living together right jeje...but no matter how i look at it we can never have a relationship, for so many reason i dont want to enumerate, so lets just leave it like that, we enjoy each other company i mean, were together the whole night hopping from one place to another, dringking to his problem.
no matter how i like him he can never love me back bec i know that he have standards (though i know he dont go for looks bec his ex is like...anyway but there is a posibility coz he is good looking) and i dont have that, im way to far or im the last person here on earth that he would consider having a relationship, and i hate my self for that, bec i let my self be my self, i know i lack things and i think im too reserv for him...i even told him that he remind me of the person that i once knew, but bec i know i dont have future with him i just let it be...after seing him reality strikes that it would take him that long to get over his ex, and if ever we'll have a relationship it will not last long, bec im just a rebound guy, and im too AMBITIOUS...

Love will...

Love will lead you back, hmm really? I mean what if love lead you back and the person you go back into already moved on or its too late to be together again? What if you’ve waited for so long and hope that someday he will come back to you but it never happen… question that only time can answer…

I personaly hope that the message of this song will happen to me, that one day he will come back to me and he will say how he misses me that he still love me despite of all the things that had happen. Just thinking of it makes heart burst with so much emotion. But I know in reality it will never happen, im realty hoping that he will back to me but I know that he already move on and now in the arms of his new partner and they are happy…Im really hurting because I still love him, he is the first guy who I really took seriously and in the end will just give up on me that easily…it took me how many months to move on but up until now, im still hoping that Love will lead him back to my arms, were he belong…

I hate this, I don’t wanna write stuff about him anymore, I promise that one day if ever that destiny will give us the chance to cross path I will be better than before, that I’m successful and with more good looks and good physique… I know that he don’t go for looks but I also want to improve not only for him but also to my self…that one day I will say to him this is the guy now that you left along time ago and now im rockin!

Am I that selfish because I only look on his fault? Maybe I also have some defect like my mood swing and my capacity to make a small issue a really big one. But im not like that alll the time, I mean im only like that if I know im right…my be I should learn how to control my moods. I cant help to think that somehow its my fault why we break up.

I don’t want to torture my self anymore, I WANT TO MOVE ON, I WANT TO FIND SOME ONE THAT I CAN LOVE AND WILL LOVE MY AND WILL UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM AND I’LL ASLO DO THE SAME…

i Pass!!

Geez I thought that I will fail my conversion to day but thank God I was able to have a passing score, I was about to give out but when I change my tone of voice and make it sexy jeje I got them!!! Jejeje

This job can really get the shit out of you, it will make you happy if you have good conversion and can really bring your world down if you have a very low conversion, but that’s the challenge of life and work, I mean all job is hard…right? Well come to think of it you have the easiest job that would be very boring coz there is no challenge and no chance to improve your self…so I should stop complaining, sumhow this job really help me to deal with the customer and it improves me =)…

This week I will have my new team, I will surely miss my coach ezzer for she is the best coach ever and she know how to improve you to be a better agent…I will be move to team jen, well I know jen because she handle me during my nesting and she is pretty nice, she’s a tier 2 back then but now she has her own team…
I wish I could be like her sumday…I wish..i just have to be good